I need not go into depth about the symbolism of hair and how it affects our perception of self and others. Let’s face it – hair is a big deal. We cut it, style it, grow it, color it. It is a symbol of health and virility. So when I started to lose mine shortly after my second chemo session, I decided to take control of what little I could at the time, and just shave it off. Lucky for me, my husband is a resident expert at head shaving with almost two decades of personal experience.
It was both a relief and a sad event. Cold-capping wasn’t working so the anxiety of leaving remnants of hair everywhere I went and watching clumps of hair fall out outweighed the desire to keep the little hair I had left. I sat in front of the bathroom mirror as my husband took his clippers to my head, my Aunt next to me for support. With each row of hair buzzed away, I felt surprisingly lighter. Hey, this doesn’t look too bad. In fact, I kinda like it! Shedding the hair allowed me to shed my inhibitions revealing pure vulnerability. It was such an honest moment.
I thought to myself, the bad ass has emerged. #BA(L)DDIE
I bought a wig that mimicked my old long black locks, but felt inauthentic to wear it so I mostly went with turbans or beanies to keep me warm during the winter months. Outside of that, I tried to embrace what was the most outward giveaway that I was a cancer patient, and just rolled with it.
Fast-forward 7 months later, my hair has grown back thicker than ever with a slight curl. It formed a natural left part and face-framing sideburns. With a little gel and trim on the sides, I am able to style it to what now is the best pixie cut I could’ve imagined for myself. Friends and family (even strangers!) comment on how well it suits me, and that perhaps I should keep it short. Admittedly, this is the most low maintenance cut since I can easily wash it after a workout without having to fuss with the blow dryer/curler/straightener. And in dire times, a quick bandana or panama hat does the trick!
So for now, I am sticking with the life lesson of just rolling with it, and enjoying all the hair my follicles will give me! ❤
And yes, that’s my Dad-in-Law in the back lol 😉